Marriage Musings

My thoughts in past months...

Why is marriage so hard!!? You start with such excitement and so many hopes. How does it change to frustration and dashed hopes so quickly? There are days where hope fills my heart – but is it worth it? It only makes the fall harder and the cracks in my heart deeper. Maybe I’m depending too much on the wrong person. I had finally figured out how to be an independent adult when it all changed – I fell in love and we decided to share our lives instead. Now I had to learn to be dependent again. But the roller coaster is too much. Jesus, help me to be more dependent on You. You are the only One who keeps all Your promises!

I wrote these thoughts in my journal recently and have written them in other forms multiple times over the past almost 4 years of marriage. I never could have anticipated the changes marriage would bring to my life. I have been slowly learning that even though I love Justin dearly, he is not my everything. This was an expectation I sometimes placed on him without realizing. I see now that's definitely an influence of the world and those foofy romantic books I read in high school when I dreamed of falling in love. My mind knew that wasn't a correct view of marriage but my emotional heart didn't quite catch on. I am so thankful that God never gives up on me. He keeps reminding me that He is the lover of my soul. He is my everything. He is always there! As I learn to depend on God first and my husband second, my marriage grows and my heart is encouraged even on the frustrating days.

Just in case... For those of you that worry about me, there's nothing wrong I'm just expressing my thoughts about life. :) I'm sure you can relate to the fact that the down turns of the ups and downs of marriage can be blown in to emotional heart breaks if I let my emotions get the better of me rather than focusing on what is true. This is more a reflection of my own failure of expectations as a wife. I would never blog about my hubby in a negative way, I love and respect him too much as my husband! I hope my conclusion is encouraging. I have no desire to wallow in my discouragements or cause anyone else to do the same. We have such a faithful God who is always there for us!